Elmer: You know, Bob, Ellen and I are really struggling with the sex side of our relationship! Would you mind telling me if you ever had that problem? Did you have it when you were married to Sara?

Bob: I don't know. Tell me more about the problem.

Elmer: Well, I guess I'm really a tactile sort of guy. I mean, I really like the physical stuff. I like the touchy stuff even more than sex for sex sake. But Ellen, she's not into that. Frankly, I don't think she's even interested in sex with me anymore.

Bob: Not at all?

Elmer: It seems that way. And it really does get to me to think that. You know, I just want her to long for me. That's normal, I think. I just want us to both have a good time in the sack. But at the moment that's just wishful thinking.

Bob: What have you tried?

Elmer: You know, I've tried everything: getting angry, telling her straight, being Mr charming - I don't know how to get the spark back! Do you think we need therapy? You know I thought she was interested in other guys at work, then I thought she might be gay, then I thought that something physical was wrong with her and she just wouldn't let on. Now I don't know what to think, I end up thinking -it must be something about me.

Bob: You know, Elmer, as hard as it was, I learned a lot from my breakup with Sara. I think the best thing for you two at this point is to find the time to go to couples' counseling. I remember the few times I have spent with you and Ellen at work functions make me think that she is really a sweet woman, although she does look a little tired. Guess that's to be expected with the kid and all. What do you think about couples' counseling?

Elmer: Bob I'm really wary about talking about all this to a complete stranger- what can they do any way?

Bob: Yeah, I know what you mean. I HATE talking to strangers about a problem they are not part of. How can THEY possibly understand what I am going through....but, gee, maybe if Ellen sees you are trying to do something about this problem she might be willing to go and spill the beans, so to speak. Ya know, you might be able to really get at what's eating at her that way...and who knows, maybe it will lead to some...., well you know.

Elmer: I don't know how to broach the subject with Ellen, she might think I'm cracked or something- you see I don't think she recognises that we have a problem. Maybe we don't, maybe it's all in my mind?

Bob: Don't call it therapy...my therapist told me to think of it as coaching....if you call it coaching it is a lot less scary to people...what do you think?

Elmer: I'll give it a try tonight.