Chief Mac & the Contact, in verse

There are strange things seen in a submarine
By the men who make her crew.
The pig boat swine underneath the brine
Could tell a tale or two.

And while the briny deep her secrets keep,
'bout the boats and what they do
Sometimes it's true and I'm telling you,
What goes on while you're asleep.

Some may doubt what this is about
But bubbleheads know the truth
For their bellies burn with the zeal to learn
(And also with gin and vermouth.)

The story unfolds above the holds
Of a man we'll call Chief Mac.
Mac was a Chief who issued grief
As those of his rank will do.
And he trimmed the boat just like any goat
At the BCP should do.

In the finest tradition Mac had ambition
To qualify OOD
And our old man said, "Of course he can",
Which suited Mac to a T.

So as the patrol wore on Mac took the conn
as oft as he was allowed.
And he did fine beneath the brine
Barking orders to the control room crowd.

Flawlessly he fought the sea
And did what'eer was needed
To get a sig on whatever gig
While PERMIT's mission proceeded.

Early one morning while most were snoring,
We came to periscope depth.
Mac took the conn and carried on
With orders, step by step.

In John Wayne style, Mac paced the aisle
And asked the scope be raised.
With his fingertips he held the grips
With purpose this man was crazed.

Like a capstan he swung around to see
Whatever was out on the brine.
A few seconds later this navigator
Saw a contact- visual two-oh-nine!

He hollered "Mark" and continued to bark
orders to the crew.
He said, "I'll bet my ass it's a Riga Class
And it's a fast one too!"

Now this E7 was almost in heaven
As he held the attention of all.
He gave a range and course and speed
For the image in his eyeball.

The OOD wanted to see
This contact in the scope.
But he was distressed as Mac was possessed 
Like an addict is on dope.

More data came from this chief of fame
As he watched the target there
Until at last his moment passed
Twas the OOD's turn to stare.

The OOD strained to see
What Mac had just reported.
But try as he might, the object in sight
Was not as Mac purported.

The air was dense and the scene was tense
While we waited for information.
And Mac turned red as OOD said,
"That's a rock formation!"